


If it's Only in Your Head, Does it Make it Less Real?

by KitanaRiddle



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Imaginary Friends, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-16
Updated: 2013-04-16
Packaged: 2017-12-08 15:57:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/763237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitanaRiddle/pseuds/KitanaRiddle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story of Jim Moriarty and his best friend, Sebastian Moran. it's unfortunate that Sebastian is a figment of Jim's imagination... or is he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	If it's Only in Your Head, Does it Make it Less Real?

**Author's Note:**

> unbetaed

Emily Moriarty wasn’t worried when her son started spending hours every afternoon in the woods behind their house. Her coworkers told her it was normal for young children to invent imaginary friends, especially given the circumstances. The circumstances, which nobody spoke a word of to Emily’s face, that her husband was rarely home and if he was, he was pissed out of his mind. She never mentioned her son’s new hiding place in hopes that he’d avoid the bruises she frequently wore. However when her son turned thirteen, his father long dead, and was still talking about his imaginary friend, she started to worry.

“Seb’s cut her hair short but I still think she’s gorgeous,” Jim told his mum as he shovelled breakfast into his mouth, “we’re gunna catch frogs to dissect later.”

Emily gave her son a small, forced smile, “You know I don’t like you playing near water. Especially after poor Carl drowned.”

“Carl was a prat and Sebrina says he got off easy.”

Pressing her lips together, Emily ignored her son’s comment and waited for him to continue, “Besides, Seb’s parents had her in swim lessons all winter so she’ll keep me safe.”

“Why don’t you invite her to Uncle’s next weekend then? I’m sure Sebrina would love the river,” she watched as her son looked down at his hands. She had tried many times to get him to bring round Sebrina in hopes he’d realize she wasn’t real, but Jim always had an excuse.

“Her parents are away for the month and her nanny can’t give her permission to leave.”

With a flourish her son put his empty plate in the sink, grabbed his red bucket and raced out the yard towards the trees. Emily could only sigh and hold back her tears. She knew her son was special, a right genius, but it was unhealthy for him to live the way he was. The kids at school had stopped bullying him since Carl had died, but she’d noticed that none of his classmates would look at him. It was almost as if they were afraid for him to notice them. She blamed her deceased husband for making Jim unable to have friends. As much as this _Sebrina_ was a problem of its own, Emily was glad her little boy had somebody to talk to.

* * *

“Are you going to get in trouble?” Sebrina asked Jim as they rolled out the two sleeping bags Jim had brought onto the ground.

The now fifteen-year-old Jim grinned at her, “Mum’s worked both jobs all week so she’ll fall asleep on the couch without even checking if I’m home.”

“Okay. I snuck marshmallows to toast over the fire,” Sebrina pulled a large bag out of her backpack and threw one of the white treats at Jim’s face.

Soon the both of them were wresting on the ground and Jim found himself straddling Sebrina and shoving a marshmallow into her mouth. She spit it out messily as she started to heave with laughter. Jim had noticed her laugh was getting deeper lately and her hair, still kept short, made her jaw line seem more defined and square. He rolled off of her and the two of them started to collect twigs to build a fire with. Once the fire was built they sat beside each other and began to recall the events of their day apart.

The sky was darkening enough that the first of the stars were visible and Jim moved to lie on his back beside his friend, their hands almost touching as they gazed up. He could feel Sebrina’s breathing become shallower and despite him expecting it, Jim still flinched when she shifted to press her lips to his. Sensing Jim’s resistance, Sebrina sat up and ran her large hand through her hair.

“Did ya figure it out then?” she mumbled at her feet.

Jim sat up and tentatively touched her arm, “I’m sorry Seb. I wanted it to be so bad but I just can’t.”

“But it’s just the bits down there, they don’t mean more than our feelings,” Sebrina rarely spoke of emotions and Jim felt guilty knowing he’d caused her to feel them and was now causing her to hurt.

“It’s not,” Jim wasn’t sure how to express the situation, “it’s not something I can ignore. I just like boys and I wish I didn’t because you and I would be perfect.  You’re amazing, the way you smile and help me scheme. I couldn’t have done Carl in without you. I just… I just like boys Sebrina.”

Sebrina throwing her head back and roaring with deep laughter was not the response Jim expected, “Do you remember the first time we met Jim?”

He thought back on that day. Sebrina was wearing pink shorts and a light blue tank top while attempting to climb up a gnarled, dying tree by the pond. She’d gotten about halfway up before one of the branches snapped and she fell, scraping her cheek and knee.  Jim, who was seven, stayed hidden in the bushes watching as the little girl pulled a cloth out of her sparkly green lunch bag and wrap it around her knee.  She pulled her light blonde hair out of the small ponytail on the back of her head and used the hair tie to secure her makeshift bandage in place. It was then that Jim decided he could outrun her if he needed to.  He’d introduced himself and showed off his deduction skills by telling her that the SEB on her bag stood for Sebrina, she was the same age as him and she was home schooled. Sebrina scrunched her face and narrowed her eyes before telling Jim he could either help her climb to the top of the tree or he could sod off. To his own surprise, Jim helped Sebrina and soon they found themselves meeting in the forest whenever they had the chance.

“Of course, I remember everything,” Jim felt uncomfortable by the mirth in his friend’s eyes.

“You said SEB stood for Sebrina because that’s the only girl’s name it could possibly be close to. Why’d you think it was a girl’s name?”

He didn’t understand where she was going with her story but Jim indulged her, “You had pink shorts, a sparkly lunch kit and long hair. It wasn’t that difficult of a leap.”

Sebrina shoved Jim back onto the ground before she rested astride his lap, “My parents don’t believe in gender roles. If I wanted something green or sparkly, that was fine. If I wanted guns or dolls for my birthday, that was fine. Jim, I never said I was a girl.”

Jim watched in slight horror as Sebrina lifted off her shirt, revealing her flat chest and the wispy, blond trail of hair running from her bellybutton to her trousers. Sebrina picked up Jim’s hands and placed them on her muscular arms before leaning down until their lips were almost touching, “I’m not a late bloomer Jim; I’m a boy. SEB was short for Sebastian.”

Before he could stop himself, Jim attacked Sebastian’s mouth. He’d imagined this moment for years. He used to pretend Sebrina had a twin brother that he could snog, but this, kissing his best friend, was a million times greater than that fantasy. His fingers ran along Seb’s arms and he wondered how he could have been such an idiot to miss this. The two boys separated, the shine of their activities visible on Jim’s lips.

“You’re perfect,” Jim whispered as he drew his friend down once more.

They took a break long enough to zip their sleeping bags together and crawl in beside one another. Sebastian held Jim close while they traded their hopes and dreams in between lazy kisses.  Jim found his eyes growing heavy as the warmth of Sebastian surrounded him and soon he was asleep.

* * *

“Jim,” he heard his mother’s voice calling from above him.

He rolled over in an attempt to ignore her and resume sleeping but something sharp dug into his back. Remembering the night before, Jim shot up to see the extinguished fire, his bag and the makeshift bed he was in, but no Sebastian.

“I was worried absolutely sick Jim!” his mother was ranting, “You can’t sneak off and spend the night alone in the woods.  What if some criminal attacked you or you fell and broke something. What were you thinking?”

Rubbing his eyes and yawning Jim replied, “I wasn’t alone. Sebastian was with me.”

“Who the bloody hell is Sebastian?” she was glaring down as him clearly unimpressed.

“Oh it’s Sebrina. I was wrong, she’s a boy but we got it all sorted,” Jim could still feel the comfort of having Seb wrapped around him.

His mother’s expression softened and she sat down carefully beside her son. She pulled him into a hug and started to stroke his hair, “Is there a reason Sebrina is a boy now?”

“I’m gay mum.’ He answered, attempting to shove her off.

She was muttering into his hair about how she loves him regardless and he’d always be perfect to her. Jim rolled his eyes at that, “As if I didn’t know that mum. Now sod off, I’ve got the get up.”

“I’m still upset with you Jim, but you’re such a brave little boy and I love you.”

The entire walk back, Emily Moriarty smothered her son in kisses and hugs, trying to give her son affection in hopes that Sebrina turned Sebastian would stop making appearances in Jim’s fragile life.

* * *

Life went on and Emily watched as her son spent every free moment in those woods. She’d tried getting him to see psychiatrists, but by the end of the hour session the doctors were sobbing while Jim sat across from them smirking. He was going to Britain for higher education in the fall and Emily could only pray that being away from the forest would help destroy her son’s obsession with his imaginary friend.   

This particular afternoon Emily watched from the kitchen window as her seventeen year old son made his way up the drive. He looked less sullen than he had in weeks; there was even a slight smile on his face.

“Good day?” she called when he entered the door.

“The best mum. I _convinced_ them to allow us to bring dates that aren’t enrolled at our school to the dance. I’m going to bring Seb.”

Emily had gotten familiar with pressing her lips together and ignoring the things her son said about Sebastian. She’d stopped acknowledging the imaginary friend’s existence at all. Instead she continued to wash the dishes while Jim dropped his bag on the table and made his way out the back. The professionals she’d consulted said not to draw attention to the problem behavior in case Jim was using Sebastian to gain unhealthy attention from her. However, Emily wanted desperately to call to her son not to go into the woods.

Jim made his way down the habitual and well-worn path. He could barely contain his excitement and couldn’t wait to share it with his friend. To be fair, Sebastian had long since been just a friend but neither boy wanted to put pressure on their delicate relationship. Sebastian always laughed when Jim lost his temper and starting flinging insults, and Jim always let Sebastian hold him closely when the latter felt insecure. It worked for them and they felt no reason to change it.

“Wotcher Jim,” Sebastian had crept up behind Jim, grabbed the boy around the waist and twirled him through the air.

“Put me down you oaf!” Jim squawked.

Sebastian let Jim’s feet touch the ground but not time to catch his breath as he started snogging him. Jim allowed the intrusion but his eagerness to tell Sebastian had him ending the kiss sooner than usual.

“There’s a dance Seb,” he started.

“Yeah I know, you told me. Dull, ordinary people looking to get a shag before they leave,” Seb interrupted.

“Mmmm true, but now there will be two extraordinary people there.”

Sebastian stopped and turned from where he was leading Jim, “Who? Not that Holmes bloke you’re always off about.”

Jim giggled and pushed Seb against a tree, looking up to meet the taller boy’s gaze, “You and I.”

He reached up to kiss Sebastian but faltered when he saw the look on the other boy’s face, “I’m not going Jim.”

“Of course you are. I blackmailed people so you could; you can’t say no to me.”

Sebastian threw Jim off of him before he squared his shoulders and stood firmly, “I’m not going.”

Jim’s throat felt constricted and his stomach began to ache as he choked out, “Why?”

“Come on Jim, you know the only time I like people is when they’re bleeding or dying.”

He felt anger bubbling inside him as he gave Sebastian his most vicious glare, “That’s not true. You like me.”

Sebastian took a tentative step forward, “You’re not just any person; you’re the King.  I want to protect you from those people, one bullet at a time.”

“You don’t like me enough to tolerate people for one night,” Jim stated with a level tone.

“No Jim, I like you too much.”

His fury reached its limit and Jim lost his control, “You’re not bloody real, are you? I meet you the day after my dad took his first swing at me. You turn out to be a guy when I realize I’m gay. You never let me bring you around anyone else. I’m the idiot that let himself fall in love with his imaginary friend. I wish I’d never met you!”

“Jim please-” Sebastian was holding the smaller boy by the shoulders, “You don’t mean-”

“Don’t tell me what I mean,” Jim spat, “Just because you’ve a figment of my mind doesn’t mean you understand my mind. I hate you! I created you to deal with emotions, as ordinarily useless as they are, and now you’re screwing it up.  You’re not real, go away.”

Jim sunk to the ground and covered his ears, shut his eyes and screamed over and over, “you’re not real, go away” until his voice was hoarse and his throat was burning. When he opened his eyes, there was no trace of Sebastian. Slowly, on legs that could barely carry his heavy heart, Jim started to walk home. When he was part way there he saw his mother storming through the woods.

“Jim it is past dark; you can’t stay out this late!” she started to scold until she was close enough to see his face, “Oh my baby! Jim what happened.”

He refused to cry as his knees gave out and his mum wrapped her arms around him, “Please my boy tell me. Mummy will make it right.”

Despite his raw throat Jim was able to rasp out, “Sebastian isn’t real.”

* * *

It was over ten years later when Jim Moriarty was sitting in a _borrowed_ office, the owner of it could hardly complain as he was dead beside the chair Jim was in.  His empire was almost complete; all he needed was a second in command to get his hands dirty whenever Jim demanded. Whispers through his web spoke of a Colonel Moran who was dishonorably discharged from the military, had aim that could put Olympic champions to shame, a ruthless thirst for blood and could slip in and out of places without leaving a trace behind. Jim had arranged for the man to be broken out of his prison in Budapest, but the man escaped on his own days before Jim’s men infiltrated the camp. Jim was impressed and knew that Moran was going to be his sniper once he found the man.

That was why Jim sat in Moran’s former employee’s chair waiting.  He had five other men with him, in case Moran put up a fight, and Jim couldn’t contain his gasp when an unforgettable person burst through the door.  In front of him, flesh and blood as far as Jim could tell, stood Sebastian. Jim never took his eyes off the man, who was covered in scars, when he asked his men, “Can you see him?”

The man who scoffed and replied, “Of course we can, why wouldn’t we?” wound up with a bullet in his left eye before his last word finished.

Jim watched Sebastian casually shoot the man with a savage smile, “See Jim, I will hurt any man who does _anything_ to you. Anybody at that dance who even looked at you funny would have been dead at my feet.”

“It was a disrespectful comment Colonel Moran, hardly worth a bullet.”

Sebastian stalked up to Jim and placed his hands beside the man’s head. Four red dots appeared on Sebastian’s body but he didn’t flinch as he leaned towards Jim and licked into his mouth.

Once the pair had finished ravishing each other, Sebastian spoke, “Making sure people fear you is worth any amount of bullets. And it’s Sebastian, not Colonel Moran.”

Jim motioned for his men to leave before grabbing a fist of Sebastian’s hair and pulling him down for more lethal kisses. 


End file.
